JJ: You can’t just stay here.

Cook: Well I’m sorry, mate. Fred’s dad was getting suspicious there, wasn’t he? You’ll have to keep me here for a bit.

JJ: Keep you? What do you mean keep you?! Her Majesty’s Prison Service is supposed to be doing that!

Cook: I escaped, all right? What’s the problem?

JJ: I’ve got a life, Cook!

Cook: Oh, I wouldn’t want to interrupt your fucking hectic social whirl, Jaykins!

JJ: FYI, things have changed, Cook. I’ve got a job. And a date! With a girl. But this is hopeless. I’m stressed. I’m gonna fuck up, and I don’t know what I’m doing.

Cook: Well let me make fucking use of myself then, Jaykins.

JJ: How? What can you-

Cook: Listen, three rules. One, just be cool.

JJ: Just “be cool”?

Cook: Two, touch her. Simple creatures, women, right? Touch her, she knows you want her. If you don’t, then she starts to think she’s ugly. Right?

JJ: Right. Touch her.

Cook: Three, look at her pupils. If they dilate when you look at her, it means she actually wants to play with your dingaling. Capische? Could you pass us that Ladyshave there, Jaykins? Good lad.